Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Flabbergasted

Wow!  I am feeling all sorts of feelings the past few days… I'm excited, nervous, anxious, confused, and hopeful, while trying not to get my hopes up - and everything in between.  Why?  Well - believe it or not - Nate and I (along with other prospective adoptive parents) were presented with an available adoption situation yesterday. Already!
I’ve been seriously stalking Nate’s inbox since we joined the official waiting families “list.”  He doesn’t check his e-mail as often as I would if we were using my address for adoption contact, so… I make up for it!  On Tuesday I was shocked to see that the message I’ve been looking for was there!  I couldn’t believe it!  There is a mother in the Cincinnati looking to create and adoption plan for her baby boy, due in APRIL!  Here is her background information; would you be interested in being presented to her as a possible adoptive family?  If so, send a letter addressed to her expressing your interest in and feelings about adoption, and provide your background information (like it’s that simple?!).  We will let you know if she would like to meet you in person after she sees your letter and look book.
Talk about tough!  Not only do Nate and I have a few minor questions/concerns about some of the information presented to us, but we need to do our research and come up with a personalized letter ASAP.  Luckily I had a generic rough draft ready to go, but I’m surprised how connected I feel to this girl with such little information provided.  Think about what an impact she could have on our lives, and what she must endure in order for our dreams to come true…
They compare this stage of adoption to dating – something we haven’t done since we met 6 years ago!  Not that I was so great at dating then, but I’m feeling pretty rusty!!   I feel like one wrong word or phrase (or font or photo) could make or break our moving to the next step.  I want to come across as friendly and comforting without crossing the boundaries of someone I don’t even know.  I want her to know how much Nate and I want a child, but don’t want to come across like a vulture circling prey.  The little information provided to us already has us rooting for this girl, even if she doesn’t pick us.  It’s complicated to say the least.
I would like to share our letter here (I’ve actually started a binder containing every scrap of paper we’ve touched since beginning this process – I don’t want to get rid of any of it!), but feel like I can’t without including the background we’ve been given about the birth mother.  I want to respect her privacy – her story is not mine to share, which is where I think open adoption becomes tricky (well at least in one way). 
I’ve been struggling with the concept that adoption, especially open adoption, does not create a linear relationship.  It would be easier if the only ones involved were Nate and myself, our child and his or her birth family.  But no – adoption is a tangled web.  How do we distinguish what stays between ourselves and our child’s birth family and what we share with our loved ones (who will probably share with their friends as well)?  We want to be as open and honest as we possibly can, but we don’t want to violate the trust and privacy of our child’s birth family.  What we think is friendly conversation could feel like judgmental gossip to someone in a much different situation than our own.  I’m going to have to Google, “how to talk to our family about our child’s birth family.”  Maybe this is a topic for our next Adoption Network support meeting (I still need to post about our first visit)... Or, did I read something about this in "In On It..."?  I think this is a whole new post…
Anyway, I went got off topic there.  Back to the news at hand - I’m totally flabbergasted that this has happened so quickly, and paranoid that if this match doesn’t work out we’ll be waiting forever for the next one.  More updates will most certainly follow.

No comments:

Post a Comment