Friday, May 16, 2014

First Visit

I know... I know!  Three weeks have already passed since my last post, and I promised to update about our first post placement visit with Miss K's birth mom.  It's crazy how time seems to slip away now that K is home.  I apologize for the delay, but I have no excuses.  Without further ado, here's the update!

J had mentioned a few times, toward the end of March that she was feeling ready or our first post placement visit, but that she was waiting until she was able to get adult day care set up for a family member who she is caring for.  We found out on Good Friday, April 11th that day care was going well and we scheduled our first visit for two Fridays later - the 25th!

Over the next two weeks we texted back and forth about what we should do and where we should go.  The weather was supposed to be nice, and day care started at 10:00.  We planned to pick J up at 11:00, get lunch and figure out the rest of the plan on the fly.  We weren't sure if K's birth dad would be able to join us, and J mentioned that K's birth grandpa may want to come  too.  We'd met both of them already, so the more the merrier!

I won't lie about the fact that I let myself get very worked up over those two weeks.  I was SO excited to see J again and for her to be able to see how well K is doing.  I looked forward to seeing J's son, and how much he's grown since we met.  I also became more and more nervous as the day drew nearer.  I really don't know where the nerves were coming from - we'd spent so much time with J before K's birth, and we've always gotten along.  I know I was feeling afraid and a little sad that I would feel like I took J's baby from her.  The last time we had seen her was when she was discharged from the hospital, and emotions were (understandably) high.  I didn't want to see J hurting again, and feared that I would feel like I was the cause of that pain.

There was nothing I could really do about my nerves, and I couldn't predict how our visit would actually go so I just pushed down those feelings and looked forward to our visit.

Nate's brother and our sister-in-law were nice awesome enough to let us borrow their minivan, so we transferred over K's car seat and a car seat for J's son the night before our trip.  Friday morning K got up and ate her usual 6:30 a.m. bottle.  We packed the diaper bag, gave K a bath and got her dressed, packed up the van and hit the road!  The ride is just long enough that we needed to stop and feed K another bottle before we picked up J.  I had purposely left K in a sleeper, because she's still spitting up quite a lot on car rides and I didn't want her in a wet outfit the whole day.  So, after she ate I spread out our travel changing pad in the back of the van, changed her diaper and got her dressed again.  I can't say it was the easiest thing to do, but it was way better than having to use a McDonald's restroom.  Yuck!

We arrived at J's house shortly after 11:00.  She and her son were already waiting outside for us, so they hopped in and we headed to Rooster's, one of J's favorites for lunch.  I so badly wanted to get a photo of the first time K looked at J (post placement, of course), but since we were in the car I really wasn't able to.  It was so sweet to hear J talking to K from the back of the van, though.  My heart swelled at that moment!

After we were settled at the restaurant, I asked J if she'd like to hold K.  Of course, she did!  I snapped some precious photos of them together, and J's son was very interested in this new baby (and her toys!).  The weather ended up being pretty poor that day, and J had something come up that afternoon that she needed to get to.  So we kept our visit short, but sweet!  K's birth dad and grandpa were unable to make it, but they said "next time, for sure!"  So, the four of us just had lunch and sat together at the restaurant for a while.  We were able to talk with J about how she felt things were going, and it seems like she is very happy with the arrangement so far.  That alone makes me feel so happy.

My nerves melted away, there were no tears and I definitely didn't feel like I had taken K away from J (the few times K wanted to cry, J handed her right back to me.  That got some laughs from our table!).  Honestly I felt like we were just meeting up with another friend who wanted to meet the baby.  And really, that's how I view our relationship from here on out.  Yes, K will know her adoption story and she will know who J is, but it really doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.

We are already looking forward to our next visit...


1 comment:

  1. I love this! I'm glad it was such a positive meeting!